Former “Talented and Gifted” Kids, This is For You!

Did your school have a “Talented and Gifted” program?

Even if it wasn’t quite called that, you probably know what I mean…whether you weren’t in it (and perhaps felt understandably ostracized due to the unnecessary negative messaging this kind of grouping does to kids) or you were, you likely had some awareness of the thing where some kids were called out of class at certain times/days of the week.

I was one of the ones called out, and I participated in TAG (our acronym for it) from 4th through 6th grade.

I liked feeling special. Different. Like the adults knew I was smart and I was going places.

The thing I didn’t realize is how this would also end up feeling like pressure. These high expectations to keep achieving, get straight As, always do more…despite the fact that we were literal children.

For a lot of us in this boat, we ended up adopting some traits that I might call…maybe not maladaptive (because to me that would invalidate the protective nature of the narratives we take on, even if they also hurt us), but maybe…heavy. Certainly anxiety-producing.

Perfectionism. People-pleasing. Never resting, always “productive” (using a very narrow definition of the word, of course). Planning for college when we were barely teenagers. Taking a heavier course load. All the AP classes. It’s never enough. So many “shoulds” that I’d be a very wealthy woman if I got a penny for every time I used that word on myself.

It’s taken me a long while to undo a bunch of the repercussions of being seen as a “high achiever,” but I can say that I feel much calmer and happier now than I did then.

(That’s of course not to say that I don’t still live with ever-present anxiety. Of course I do, I’m not a machine!)

But this time of year can often be complex for us folks who were so school-minded, now that we’re not in that world.

For some, it might bring up a renewed rush of anxiety and dread. So much pressure existed in this part of the year as everyone returned to their schools. Your body might remember it still, and so as the first pumpkin spice product hits the market and the first leaf changes color, you might notice those old feelings creeping back in.

The body is amazing. It remembers so much. That also can be a lot to carry sometimes.

Or, if you’re like me, this time of year brings up a renewed sense of excitement, possibility, the hope of being recognized for the work I do with those newly sharpened pencils and fresh set of notebooks.

But, if you’re like me, this might also be difficult, even if it sounds nicer than the first option.

Because if you’re not actually going back to school, what do you do with those feelings? Where do you put them? What happens when my value is not intrinsically tied into my grades and the projects I do and the wild amount of extracurriculars I get into?

For me, it’s a time to remember.

To remember that I now get to value myself for other things. That I don’t have to put pressure on myself to be perfect and to never rest and to always achieve more.

My wise adult brain and offer me what my still-forming child brain didn’t know: Yes, there can be a lot of benefits to being viewed so highly and to have a lot expected of you…and it’s also ok if this has some downsides. Let in the good and release what doesn’t work for you.

Perfection doesn’t exist. Productivity has a way more nuanced definition than I knew before. And what I accomplish in my life—especially what other people perceive me accomplishing—doesn’t matter nearly as much as the compassion and care that I show to myself and my communities.

So, welcome in the freshness of the new school year, and remember: We are all talented and gifted and amazing and valued and needed.

So just be you, and do it with abandon.